Opus & evolution

[Amelie Scheltema]

In 1983, Berke Breathed had something to say about the matter of evolution.
(I happened to be looking at an old Bloom County book lying on the coffee
table over my morning tea. I don't even know how the book got there!)
Sorry there's no picture of Opus to go along with the words.

Milo: Today my science report is on the evolutionary origins of the
penguin... Chapter 1...

Cop:  HOLD IT, BUB! There's a new state law against teaching penguin
evolution without alternate theories...What's that drawing there?

Milo:  A Neanderthal penguin

Cop: Get the cuffs!

Headlines:  PENGUIN TRIAL STARTS TODAY. "PENGUIN EVOLUTION" VS. "SCIENTIFIC
PENGUINISM. WHAT SHOULD BE TAUGHT?

TV (Binckly is watching): So this week the court will decide: Did penguins
evolve through the ages or were they created in Newark, New Jersey in 1912,
as according to SCIENTIFIC PENGUINISM?  The first witness will be Carl
Sagan...

In the court:
Sagan:  Okay, see, biiillyuns and biiillyuns of years ago....
       .................

Milo (on stand): Yes Sir, on February 1st I gave a report on penguin
evolution to my class.

Prosecutor:  Mr. Bloom, are you aware that we have laws regarding that in
this state?

Milo:  Well, I...uh...OKAY I DID IT! I KILLED HER HUSBAND AND DUMPED HIM
OFF THE TRAIN OUTSIDE OF SHANGHAI!!
Sorry. what was the question?

Pros.: I FORGOT!

(Opus on stand)
Pros.: Now then, you are a penguin are you not sir"

Opus: Right! OPUS the penguin.

Pros: Is the court to understand, sir, that you believe you've evolved from
ancient flying seabirds?

O: Oh yes, Darwin said that.

Pros: well, then, evolutionarily speaking I guess that makes you nothing
more than a...fat seagull in a tuxedo! Ha, ha!
.....................
O: Don't laugh, O balding monkey. [Opus is asked to demonstrate flying. He
asks the court for a headwind]

Pros to next witness:  And as director of the Institute of Scientific
Penguinism, you're quite certain of your data?

Dir. ISP: Yes.

Pros: And your scientific conclusions?

ISP: Penguin evolution is a fib.

Pros: The state rests.

ISP: The earth isn't round, either.

PROS: SAVE IT!

ISP:  Yep! It's shaped like a burrito!

Judge:  Hear ye. My decision regarding the propriety of teaching penguin
evolutionary origins in school is thus:
CLEAR THE COURT, YOU LOONS. THIS IS [expletives deleted] RIDICULOUS!
Great Scott...I lost control.  All this silliness has gotten to me...I fell
like a total--

Opus: Ape.





Dr. Amelie H. Scheltema
Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution
Woods Hole, MA 02543 USA
Tel: 508/289-2337
FAX: 508-457-2134
ascheltema at whoi.edu (Amelie Scheltema)